I have been a very quite person from my childhood and never became angry very easily but due so certain circumstances, for the past few months I have noticed had I get angry and voilent very soon and often react in a way I shouldn’d have done. My friend noticed this behavior of mine and gave me a few page writeup to read. The write-up was so thought provoking and impressive that it made me think what I was doing was wrong and at some point I was only responsible for whatever wrong was happening with me.
I would like to write about the article in brief, which was a reason for changing my way of thinking.. I am really thankful to you dear friend for showing me a new dimension to life.
The Author : Stephen Covey calls it “The 90/10 Principle”. He says that ” The way one reacts to certain situation changes whatever happens in the minutes that follow.
What does the 90/10 principle mean.. It means that 90% of what happens to us is the consequence of how we react to certain situation and only 10% is not controlled by us.
Here is an example of something that could happen to you beause of your reaction
The Author: Stephen Covey has quoted the example
“You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is “D”.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time”. Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.”
So, here we can notice the difference.
The way things began were same but, both ended in a different way. The major reason being “the reaction to the particular situation”.
You did not have a control over what happened initially but the you had control over what happened in succession.
Thus I understood that if we reacts properly it does not have a bad repercussion on us. The result of a wrong reaction could be losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc and finally ruining the day.
So, why not follow ‘The 90/10 principle”; try to control the 90% that is in our hands and leave that rest 10% that we cannot control.
